MOMILF: My Own Mom I’d Like to Fuck
Girl: Would you have sex with your mom for a million dollars?
Boy: I’d have sex with my mom just to get laid.
- New Rez Cafe
(4.64 out of 5)
Loading ...Thursday, April 10, 2008
(4.64 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, March 11, 2008
That’s right. Another Ron Paul joke. Cry about it.
Girl 1: Ron Paul? Isn’t he a porn star?
Girl 2: Nope, that’s Ron Jeremy.
- Outside of New Rez
(3.14 out of 5) Loading ...Thursday, March 6, 2008
But seriously, I don’t have any change.
Guy: You know, with long hair, when you see a homeless person you feel like you can really relate to them. You Know? It’s like saying ‘I can relate. I can feel you, I’m on your side.’
- New Rez
(3.46 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, January 22, 2008
New Year, Old Habits
New rez girl 1: Oh my god, it’s sooo cold
New rez girl 2: Can we drink here? where’s the bar?
New rez girl 3: So yeah, do you guys want me to call a cab to go back to New Rez?
- chez cora, on new years day (chez cora is 300 meters from New Rez)
(3.75 out of 5) Loading ...Sunday, January 13, 2008
.. -.. .. — -
Girl 1: Ya, we should totally get walkie-talkies… then we can all learn Heimlich!
Girl 2: Morse code?
Girl 1: Morse code!
- New Rez caf
(4.32 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Freshman 30
[Two New Rez girls discussing the mysteries of the body over pizza and sprite]
Girl 1: Oh my gawd, I need to stop eating like tomorrow. I have already gained 27 and a half pounds since September…I’m so gross…*stares at pizza in sadness and desire*
Girls 2: You TOTALLY have NOT. And either way, aren’t you on the pill now? It’s probably just water weight.
Girl 1: Yeah…that’s true, I’ve definitely been drinking A LOT more water lately, it must make you thirsty.
Girl 2: What? *bewildered look on face*
Girl 1: *bites into pizza with accomplished look on face*
- New Rez Cafeteria
(2.74 out of 5) Loading ...Monday, October 15, 2007
And he’s about to bathe in the toilet.
Sober guy: Where IS he?? Is he yacking?
Drunk 1st year: I’ll check the washroom
(kicks open door)
Sober guy: And….
Drunk 1st year: well… replace yacking with shitting, and toilet with bathtub
- New Rez
(4.32 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, July 21, 2007
That might sound weird, but she only bathes me.
Stoned guy: Don’t beat me up! I don’t want to be bruised tomorrow when my mom sees me naked!
- New Rez
(3.97 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, July 14, 2007
If by morals, you mean breasts, then thanks.
(three girls sitting on bed in New Rez)
Girl 1 (to Girl 2) : You’re a fat whore.well…minus the fat part
Girl 2: Whatever. I’d rather be a whore than fat
Girl 3: I like your morals…
—New Rez room
(4.38 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Because paper-towels don’t scream when you put them in the oven?
Girl 1: (Talking to her friend) I mean, I don’t know why she stored those rolls of paper-towels in her oven…
- New Rez
(3.65 out of 5) Loading ...Friday, June 29, 2007
This isn’t particularly funny. I just kind of want to know the answer.
Guy: Hey you ever notice how American cornpops are different than Canadian ones?
New rez girl: YEAH! I know, eh! Think about it!
(Silence)
- New Rez
(3.08 out of 5) Loading ...Friday, June 8, 2007
*Beavis laugther* Her mouth is open *more Beavis laughter*
Girl 1 in study room: God I’m pooped out on this essay, I’m going to do something else for a while.
Guy: ‘Pooped out’ what a great analogy… get it anal - ogy *giggles*
Girl 2: *mouth hangs open in disbelief*
- New Rez Study Room
(4.33 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, June 2, 2007
Lenin, 1917.
New Rez Girl walking and talking on her cell phone
New Rez Girl: Ohmygod. Yeah. It’s gonna be awesome. We’re all gonna wear long red t-shirts and black tights. We are gonna look sooo amazing. It’s gonna be soooo awesome.
- Walking Past Otto Mass
(2.44 out of 5) Loading ...Friday, June 1, 2007
If only we could get rid of Rupert Murdoch and his desire to keep us informed…then we could ignore the whole world!
Girl1: Listen, so like 95% of Canada lives in Toronto.
(Table full of international students stare in awe)
Gir1: Well, like the GTA…the Greater Toronto Area.
-New Rez
(4.08 out of 5) Loading ...Monday, May 14, 2007
…but at least my frosh was better than yours!
Talking about summer plans
Management Student 1: Yeah, this summer I am working with a Merger and Acquisition firm in Paris
Management Student 2: Awesome, I have an internship with a bank in Toronto.
Management Student 3: I am working with a stock broker back home
Arts Student: Yeah…I’m an arts kid, I work at summer camp
-New Rez Caf
(4.58 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, March 28, 2007
A hit a day keeps everything OK.
Guy: Mondays are way more fun when you’re high all day.
—New Rez
(2.74 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, March 20, 2007
And then I’ll throw up what I haven’t eaten
Stupid Girl 1: Ew all the beer and food this weekend, I swear I gained 10 lbs.
Stupid Girl 2: I know, I think I’ll fast tomorrow.
—New Rez Cafe
(2.31 out of 5) Loading ...“Foreigners, Germans especially, are inferior. It says so in this book I’ve been reading, My Struggle.”
Guy: I used to play clarinet in band, like in middle school. There was this really annoying guy who sat next to me.
Paranoid Girl: What ethnicity was he?
Guy: …I don’t know. He just sat next to me.
Paranoid Girl: Well, what was his name?
Guy: Uh, I think it was Otto.
Paranoid Girl: Oh, so he was foreign. What kind of name is Otto? What color was he?
Guy: (taken aback at the question). I think Otto might be German…
Paranoid Girl: Oh, then he was German. I guess that explains it.
—Near New Rez
(3.6 out of 5) Loading ...Thursday, March 15, 2007
Well, they must have been smoking up a lot in California that year.
Girl 1: Hey guys, guess what, today is Pi Day!
Girl 2: Oh yeah, cuz its 3/14! Nice!
Girl 3: Isn’t there another one of those holidays..like a pot one?
Girl 2: Yeah, its April 20th
Girl 1: Why 4/20?
Girl 2: Some smokers in California used to always get high at 4:20 in the afternoon.
Girl 1: That’s so cool! OMG, imagine how fun it’ll be when the year is 1420!
Girl 2: *pause* 1420 already happened…
—New Rez
(4.57 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, March 6, 2007
It’s okay, they teach you the names of fruit in 2nd year.
(Girl 1 is tossing an orange, and drops it)
Girl 2: I hope that’s bruised now.
Girl 1: Banana’s don’t bruise!
(silence)
Girl 2: That’s an ORANGE!
—New Rez Elevator
(4.37 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, February 27, 2007
There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who live in New Rez.
Guy: What’s 14+9?
Girl: 21. (looks satisfied with her quick and “correct” answer)
Guy: Damn, you’re fast.
Girl: Haha, you thought you almost had me there.
—New Rez elevator
(4.35 out of 5) Loading ...But it’s high in dihydrogen monoxide.
Girl: (to two friends) I was wondering today if water has calories and so I checked the label. It doesn’t.
—New Rez
(4.6 out of 5) Loading ...Monday, February 26, 2007
I feel the same way about being quoted.
Girl: I don’t like to be licked out of context.
—New Rez Common Room
(4.54 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, February 21, 2007
“Yes, but not of the Rhode persuasion.”
Girl: Is Prince Edward Island an island?
—New Rez study room
(3.59 out of 5) Loading ...Friday, February 9, 2007
It’s Hard to be a Sex Offender
Guy: I’m gonna kill my chem exam!
Girl: I thought you raped exams
Guy: I raped my bio exam. I’m sick of raping.
—New Rez
(4 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, February 6, 2007
“That’s how I stay in shape.”
Girl 1: You are a fat whore….well, minus the fat part
Girl 2: whatever–I’d rather be a whore than fat
—New Rez
(4.19 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, February 3, 2007
Avoiding His Black Holes: Stephen Hawking Speaks Out!
(three girls discussing how what girls say subconsciously affects guys behavior)
Girl 1: Guys, I’m serious! There was some scientific study that proved this!
Girls 2&3: (disbelieving silence)
Girl 1: Oh yeah I remember, I read it in Cosmo!
—New Rez
(4 out of 5) Loading ...Thursday, February 1, 2007
“I feel like a $2.75 whore.”
Girl 1: Yeah, he is really cute but he lives in Solin and thats far.
Girl 2: Yeah totally. Long distance relationships are way too hard.
—New Rez Caf
(4.55 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, January 30, 2007
“I heard she tapped Louis Braille at Tokyo last weekend…”
Girl 1:…so then they made us watch this whole movie on Hellen Keller’s life and—
Girl 2: wait wait…Hellen Keller, who is that? I know that name. Doesn’t she live in upper rez or something?
—New Rez caf