Girl 1: Oh my god my roommate hates the library. She says it’s too crowded in Mcclennan and that our apartment is too dirty to study in.
Girl 2: Well is she just not studying?
Girl 1: No of course not! She rented a hotel room at the Ritz for the weekend!
- Redpath cafeteria

Girl #1: …And then he said he was going to vote for the Republicans…
Girl #2: I don’t even know what a Republican is!
—Redpath Cafe

Guy 1: Did you know that Hitler’s last surviving offspring have agreed not to have any children, so that his legacy won’t live on?
Guy 2: Well! That makes sense! I mean, could you imagine being… Fuck. What was Hitler’s last name?
-Redpath Cafeteria (X-Mas Exam Season)

Girl 1: I just don’t get why he doesn’t get hard when we make out Girl 2: God, why does he have to get hard? Just because everything’s hard on your body..
Girl 1: What?? What’s hard on my body? My imaginary penis?
Girl 2: No, your nipples
Girl 1: (pause) oh yeah…
- Redpath Timmy Ho’s

Guy: Yeah, I hate fighting with my roommate. He’s American, it makes him really aggressive.

—Redpath cafeteria

Girl 1: We had to do 40 hours of community service in high school.
Girl 2: Yeah, I think we had to do 60.
Girl 3: Um, our school had machete fights.

—Redpath caf

Girl 1: Excuse me, this is a LINE.
Girl 2: Yeah, I’m with him.
Girl 1: That’s cutting.
Girl 2: I’m with him.
Girl 1: That’s bullshit, fuck you.

- Redpath cafe

[at Tim Horton’s]
Guy 1 (pointing at last chocolate frosted donut): Damn, there’s only one chocolate glazed donuts left!
Guy 2 (points at the 2 chocolate glazed): No man, there’s two left.
Guy 1: Those aren’t chocolate glazed! That’s a double chocolate!
Guy 2: No, thoooose are chocolate glazed, and thoooose are double chocolate.
Guy 1: Those aren’t chocolate glazed!
Bystander: Actually, they are chocolate glazed, that one on the bottom is a chocolate frosted.
Guy1: *pauses* FUCK YOU!

—Redpath Basement

air head to another : “…so now i eat hotdogs with mustard because i know both are low in calories….”

—lunch break in Redpath Cafe

Girl: “Uggghhhh… This soup tastes like semen!”
–Redpath Cafeteria

[Ed Note: Taste the soup! Taste the soup! Taste the soup!, a la Coming to America]

Girl on Cell: Really…? What do you wipe yourself with? A leaf?? A frozen leaf??? That’s so disgusting. That’s why you should always have like a box of tissues.”

–Redpath Basement

“So at what point does CPR become necrophilia?”

– McLennan Library caf

Girl: I’m really wet, you wanna get in my pants?

–Tim Hortons Line, in Redpath Library