Girl: In a dream, I gave birth to three ants, and then I smashed them.
Boy: You have ants in your pants!
- McLennan Library

Girl: Are you doing 4/20?
Guy: No, I’m not taking any 400 level classes.
- Cybertheque

Girl 1: Oh my god my roommate hates the library. She says it’s too crowded in Mcclennan and that our apartment is too dirty to study in.
Girl 2: Well is she just not studying?
Girl 1: No of course not! She rented a hotel room at the Ritz for the weekend!
- Redpath cafeteria

Girl 1: I think I have food poisoning.
Girl 2: Yeah, it’s going around. I had it the other day, so did my friend. It must be something in the air.
- Schulich 5

Girl #1: …And then he said he was going to vote for the Republicans…
Girl #2: I don’t even know what a Republican is!
—Redpath Cafe

Nerd: (talking about the bioc311 midterm) well if i were an Allosteric Activator i would chose to be AMP, so i could up-regulate the whole glycolysis system and give myself a boost of energy so i could study more.
Girl: im going to upregulate my foot up your ass if you dont stop making those kind of comments… dude, you need to get out more.
- McMed Librairy

(Two girls looking at facebook pictures)
Girl 1: “I feel so bad for people that are just so unattractive…That’s a really mean thing to say. Slap me!
Girl 2: Well it’s not that mean, at least you’re showing some sympathy…
- McLennan Library

Guy: Man, it’s her birthday too? It seems like everyone’s having a birthday this year.
- Library

Girl: Oh my god, I can’t believe how much gum you chew! Is that actually six packs of Orbit in your bag?
Guy: You see, gum for me is like…(pauses to think)…marijuana for you.
Girl: Ohhhhhh

-McLennon Library late at night

Juice spills on Girl #1’s laptop, in the library
Girl #1 stares at her CD drive, where the juice spilt
The packed library room goes silent
Girl #2: Want me to suck on it?
—Schulich Library

Girl 1: I mean, I’m trying to convince my parents that I don’t have a coke problem and I lost a grand!
[seconds pass]
Girl 1: Wow, that’s going on Overheard for sure…

—Redpath

Guy: “Okay, but what’s the biggest problem?”
Girl:”It’s so annoying! Every time I go into her room, she’s masturbating!”

—Redpath

Girl: Why are there so many people in the library today? I mean finals haven’t even started yet. It’s not like anyone has anything due tomorrow.

—Redpath basement

Girl (on cell phone): “You can’t marry him, he’s a crack dealer!”

—McLennan Library

Guy: I have 7 calculators. I have a financial calculator, I have one for adding and subtracting…
Girl: I have 2 calculators.
Guy: Only 2? How do you live with yourself?

—Schluich

Girl 1: I can’t believe I ever liked him! He’s such a creep!
Girl 2: Oh, I know! He’s scum! Totally vile! Like… vermin!
Girl 1: Whaaaaaaaat! You can’t say that!!!
Girl 2: Why?
Girl 1: But what about Hitler!
Girl 2: Ummm yeah, what about him?
Girl 1: Well, THAT’S WHAT HE CALLED THE JEWS! VERMIN!
Girl 2: Whatever, ****** is Catholic anyway! Besides, it’s not like I’m planning a Holocaust for one!
- Architecture Library

Guy 1: Did you know that Hitler’s last surviving offspring have agreed not to have any children, so that his legacy won’t live on?
Guy 2: Well! That makes sense! I mean, could you imagine being… Fuck. What was Hitler’s last name?
-Redpath Cafeteria (X-Mas Exam Season)

Girl 1: I need a boy.
Girl 2: I’ll find you a bump buddy. You can sleep with my brother if you want.

Girl 1: I just don’t get why he doesn’t get hard when we make out Girl 2: God, why does he have to get hard? Just because everything’s hard on your body..
Girl 1: What?? What’s hard on my body? My imaginary penis?
Girl 2: No, your nipples
Girl 1: (pause) oh yeah…
- Redpath Timmy Ho’s

Guy: Yeah, I hate fighting with my roommate. He’s American, it makes him really aggressive.

—Redpath cafeteria

Girl: “Yeah I definately slipped up there. He has my…”
Guy: “…Panties?”
Girl: “GOD NO. My dignity, yes, but I’m proud to say my panties are all accounted for.”

–Redpath

Girl 1: We had to do 40 hours of community service in high school.
Girl 2: Yeah, I think we had to do 60.
Girl 3: Um, our school had machete fights.

—Redpath caf

Girl#1: so like, do you know where the books are here?
Everyone else: *stunned*

—in Redpath Library basement

Girl 1: Hey where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever
Girl 2: O you wouldn’t believe me if I told you
Girl 1: Seriously
Girl 2: Fooling around with Bob for four straight days… I’m exhausted
Girl 1: I see, you came to the library to sleep

Girl 1: Excuse me, this is a LINE.
Girl 2: Yeah, I’m with him.
Girl 1: That’s cutting.
Girl 2: I’m with him.
Girl 1: That’s bullshit, fuck you.

- Redpath cafe

[at Tim Horton’s]
Guy 1 (pointing at last chocolate frosted donut): Damn, there’s only one chocolate glazed donuts left!
Guy 2 (points at the 2 chocolate glazed): No man, there’s two left.
Guy 1: Those aren’t chocolate glazed! That’s a double chocolate!
Guy 2: No, thoooose are chocolate glazed, and thoooose are double chocolate.
Guy 1: Those aren’t chocolate glazed!
Bystander: Actually, they are chocolate glazed, that one on the bottom is a chocolate frosted.
Guy1: *pauses* FUCK YOU!

—Redpath Basement

“Why is there a statue of Abraham Lincoln in a Canadian university library?”
“Because he is Abraham Lincoln.  Who doesn’t love Abraham Lincoln?”
“Um, John Wilkes Boothe.  Just a guess…”

—4th Floor McClennan

Girl #1: So I told him that if he wasn’t going to ask me out I wasn’t gonna waste my time…
Girl #2: By the way whats with all the hobos in this library?
Girl #1: ummm off topic…
Girl #2: beh last year i was studying and this crazy hobo lady came in dressed in like a bag, sat in the corner, took off her shoes to air out her feet and proceeded to stare me down while picking at them and talking to herself.
Girl #1: So I really don’t know what he wants…
Girl #2: Wait I thought we were talking about the hobo…

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