Best. Magic School Bus Episode. Ever.
Drunk girl (at 3 pm): No, I’m NOT hiding in my vagina!! I’m NOT hiding in my vagina!!
- Lower Field
(3.72 out of 5)
Loading ...Thursday, May 1, 2008
(3.72 out of 5) Loading ...Sunday, January 13, 2008
Scavenger hunt item #36: Make-out with Mark Brown*
Science carnival girl: Well I got two cankers this morning… so fuck you Mark Brown*!
- Post-boat races during Science Carnival
(1.53 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Only Canesten® offers a 1-chug cure - the ideal choice for women who prefer the cleanliness and convenience of a single vaginal beverage that rids you of Yeast Infection over just three seconds.
Girl: All these sexual drinks…blowjob…orgasm…slippery nipple…they should have a drink called the Yeast Infection…….and the chaser would be Canesten…
- Peel Pub
(4.16 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Instead of one day of Christmas, we have 5 CRAAAAZY nights.
Drunken froshie: Yo, man. What do you think is better? Christmas or Frosh?
- Milton Gates
(3.93 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Eleven stories tall, erect.
Slightly Drunk Guy 1: Dude that Physics exam sucked balls (Drunkest Guy 2 starts to laugh hysterically)
Slightly Drunk Guy 1: Dude, shut up.
Drunkest Guy 2: You said balls…get it? ‘Cause the class was in Le Cock.
Slightly Drunk Guy 3: I hate that damn room, I got like 4 classes there next year. What a sausage fest.
Drunk Guy 1: Leacock?
Drunkest Guy 2: Le Cock!!!!
- St. Catherine
(4.22 out of 5) Loading ...Sunday, July 15, 2007
We appreciate the included ‘[sic]’, as we usually can’t tell if we should be making fun of the submitter as well…you grammar dork.
Trashed girl: Wait, is all male strippers gay? [sic]
Guy: Ummmmmmm
- RVC
(1.88 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, May 26, 2007
Bring a girl a steak and feed her for a day. Teach her how to give great head and feed her for life!
Drunk Girl: Well, I thought she could have gotten WAY more steaks for that blowjob but nooooo. She had to go up the hill to see some kids and fuck if I was giving her my last cigarette.
- Sherbrooke and St-Urbain
(3.96 out of 5) Loading ...Thursday, May 24, 2007
It felt like I was 8 years old all over again, but I can’t for the life of me remember why
Guy: I walked in and they were having sex. But I just stood there making gross noises. Hopefully I can just drink this one off.
- Douglas Hall
(3.84 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, May 12, 2007
The McGill Diet
Guy talking to another guy: Oh my god, cigarettes and beer just go so well together. It’s no wonder after I quit I gained 150 pounds!!!
—Second Cup on Milton & Parc
(3.07 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, April 18, 2007
What? All that is fictitious!
Drunk Girl 1 (loudly): Whoa, I feel so… promiscuous.
Drunk Girl 2: Um, I don’t think that means what you think it means.
—Metro grocery store, on St. Patty’s day
(4.25 out of 5) Loading ...Monday, April 9, 2007
Touche
Drunk guys walking down st laurent talking about british accents
Guy: How come girls don’t like American accents?
Friends: No, they do, they do!
Guy: No they don’t, they think they’re fucking like…American.
—st. laurent
(2.45 out of 5) Loading ...That was close.
(two drunken semi-dressed people come out of a bedroom to find another drunk girl with a bleeding hand)
Drunk girl: I’m bleeding!!! Helppp!
Semi-dressed drunk girl: Shit! Put it under water!
Semi-dressed drunk guy: It’s okay — I’m a lifeguard!
—Upper Rez
(3.69 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, April 3, 2007
A drink so fat that the woman whom the drink is fatter than will no longer appear fat
“Man, I want a big fat fucking drink. Fatter than a fat fucking woman.”
—Red and White Graduation Ball
(3.05 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, March 20, 2007
And then I’ll throw up what I haven’t eaten
Stupid Girl 1: Ew all the beer and food this weekend, I swear I gained 10 lbs.
Stupid Girl 2: I know, I think I’ll fast tomorrow.
—New Rez Cafe
(2.31 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Are you crazy? We’ll never be able to finish in time.
Girl 1: Want to have a beer with me tonight at 4 to 7?
Girl 2: Sure..when?
Girl 1: Well…tonight
Girl 2: I know, but when is it??
Girl 1, amazed with the stupidity of girl 2: Well, from 4 to 7…
—Bronfman
(3.3 out of 5) Loading ...Sunday, March 4, 2007
Probably not the most efficient way to start an orgy.
Drunk Girl: I’ll give you all AIDS!!! MOTHER FUCKING HIV!!!
—Lodge
(3.84 out of 5) Loading ...I prefer Diet Cock.
Girl 1: Yeah, and that’s why we aren’t all drugged out
Drunk Girl 2: Yeah…C-O-C-K
Girl 1: (giggles)
Drunk Girl 2:…yep, thats why we aren’t coked out
Girl 1: …what?
Drunk Girl 2: Coke. C-O-C-K! Coke!
—RVC
(3.7 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Who needs a reason?
Prof: “Oh, today is Johnny Cash’s birthday. In case you need a reason to drink.”
—COMP 280
(4.44 out of 5) Loading ...Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Jealous of being used to get into others’ legs, Wine decided to find out what all the hype was about
(casually during a wine and cheese dinner…)
Girl 1: Can someone help me open this thing!
Girl 2: Oh My God No! dont do it like that, you have to hold it between your legs hard and screw it!
Girl 1: Wow it works really well!
—Solin Hall
(4.2 out of 5) Loading ...Monday, February 19, 2007
Disposition Accomplished!
Guy 1: Hey man, how was your birthday?
Guy 2: It was good.
Guy 1: Did you throw up?
Guy 2: Uh…yea the morning after.
Guy 1: (pumping his fist) Yes!!!!!—Durocher
(3.05 out of 5) Loading ...Sunday, February 18, 2007
“My grandmother played for China during the Beer Pong diplomacy of the 70s.”
Student (in Chinese): I drink beer faster than my “mei mei.”
Teacher: What were you trying to say?
Student: I drink beer faster than my grandmother.
Teacher: “Mei mei” is younger sister.
Student: Oh. That works too.
—Arts Building
(3.68 out of 5) Loading ...Friday, February 16, 2007
So I started dressing “Montreal” and now I just say stupid shit.
Girl: I used to dress really “New York”, but I stopped because I started waking up hung-over all the time: less time to pick out outfits.
—Douglas Hall Pre-drink
(3.45 out of 5) Loading ...Thursday, February 1, 2007
“I sincerely recommend it. Its quite the experience.”
(in a retort to a fellow drunken cohort)
Drunk guy: “…oh yeah? Well you should gag on my balls.”
—Brutopia
(3.14 out of 5) Loading ...Tuesday, January 30, 2007
You know what’s even cooler? A tracheotomy.
[two (presumably drunk) girls smoking]
Girl 1: Oooooh my God, I’m so glad I started smoking!
Girl 2: I know, it looks so cool!
Girl 1: Oooooh my God, I’m so glad I started smoking!
Girl 2: I know, it looks so cool!
—Outside of Brutopia
(3.6 out of 5) Loading ...Definitely not a good combination
Prof: I discovered YouTube this weekend.
(class: scattered claps)
Prof: yeah beer and YouTube…bad combination…or maybe a good combination
—Poli 345- International Organization
(4.24 out of 5) Loading ...Monday, January 29, 2007
“We also don’t wash the…oh, you want some more popcorn?”
(Guy sitting at bar drinking out of a pitcher at Biftek)
Bartender: Um, Sir, would you please drink out of a beer mug?
Guy: Naw its okay i’m fine with the pitcher.
Bartender: No, Sir, its for sanitary reasons, we don’t wash the pitchers.
Guy’s girlfriend: Eew get a mug.
Guy: Naw it’s okay, I’m almost done.
—Biftek
(4.07 out of 5) Loading ...Sunday, January 21, 2007
Warning: Drinking beer only attractive if male.
Girl (to her friend): “Ugh, this coat is so tight it’s like suffocating me!”
(Bunch of drunk guys walk by)
Drunk guy: “Wooohoooo! Check out the beer belly!”
Girl: “I HATE THIS COAT!!”
—Milton
(4.33 out of 5) Loading ...Saturday, January 20, 2007
Concerned Interested Friend: Well then.
Concerned Friend: You should take it easy drinking.
Drunk Girl: I am easy!!!
—-Douglas
(4.55 out of 5) Loading ...