Girl: In a dream, I gave birth to three ants, and then I smashed them.
Boy: You have ants in your pants!
- McLennan Library

Girl 1: You are definitely sluttier than I am.
Girl 2: No way. You are!
Girl 1: You are sleeping with two guys.
Girl 2: You sleep with guys and don’t call them back…EVER.
Girl 1: Is that slutty?
- Cybertheque

Girl: Are you doing 4/20?
Guy: No, I’m not taking any 400 level classes.
- Cybertheque

Girl 1: Oh my god my roommate hates the library. She says it’s too crowded in Mcclennan and that our apartment is too dirty to study in.
Girl 2: Well is she just not studying?
Girl 1: No of course not! She rented a hotel room at the Ritz for the weekend!
- Redpath cafeteria

Girl 1: I think I have food poisoning.
Girl 2: Yeah, it’s going around. I had it the other day, so did my friend. It must be something in the air.
- Schulich 5

Ditsy girl: Yeah, there are so many terms I was unaware of, like I didn’t even know what love handles were until this year.
Ditsy girl’s friend: You mean until you got them?
- Douglas Cafeteria

Student: There are two things I hate this much: One is this program… The other is your mom.
- Trottier

Girl: Would you have sex with your mom for a million dollars?
Boy: I’d have sex with my mom just to get laid.
- New Rez Cafe

Student: Mcgill is the pimp, and we’re its overworked hoes.
- Trottier
(Editor’s Note: This is untrue. Due to recent events, we now understand that the T.A.s are, in fact, the overworked hoes.)

Girl: The only positive thing the prof said about my paper is that I had good references. I didn’t read them or anything, but I knew they were good.
- Burnside Elevator

International student: I got in a car accident on my way to the airport.
Oblivious science student: OMG that’s crazy, I just don’t know how anyone manages to drive in Africa with no roads.
- Burnside Basement

Girl (lounging on sofa, gets up to leave): Gotta go meet Flipper down by the docks, he’s bringing me a shipment of cocaine.
- Solin Hall

Female sexual predator: I have a cookie jar in my pants and the lid is always open!
- Solin Hall

Guy: You do realize what you just did, right? You tied a Holocaust paper to Pokemon.
- RVC

Professor: I don’t even turn on the television anymore. It’s just violence. It’s all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
- 19th Century Philosophy