Prof: It’s the low grade that really tells you what you’re worth.
- Adams Auditorium

Guy: Yeah, it’s like he’s fluent in science, he’s so good at it!
Girl: Science? that’s a good thing to be fluent at. I’m not even that well in ENGLISH.
- thankfully not an english class…

New rez girl 1: Oh my god, it’s sooo cold
New rez girl 2: Can we drink here? where’s the bar?
New rez girl 3: So yeah, do you guys want me to call a cab to go back to New Rez?
- chez cora, on new years day (chez cora is 300 meters from New Rez)

American: In Canada you may have free health care, BUT in AMERICA WE HAVE SOCIAL INJUSTICE!
- Greenbriar Rez Common Room

Secretary: Can you come in at 12:30 on Friday to see a doctor?
Student: No, I have class.
Secretary: How about 1?
Student: No, I have class
Secretary: How about 1 on Thursday?
Student: No, I still have class
Secretary: Well, HOW do you expect to see a doctor if you have class all the time?!
- Student Health Services

Law student guy: (Reading out loud) ‘Due to the rising popularity of sex…’ Wait! When was sex ever unpopular?! Oh…’rising popularity of sex offender registries.’ I guess I had to keep reading the sentence.
- Law Library

Fencer 1: See, I’m a dualist, and he’s a monist.
Fencer 2: Well, since we’re fencers, we’re technically all dualists.
Fencer 1: Yeah, I guess he just duals himself.
- Fencing Tournament

Girl 1: If I could connect to the internet, I would write FAG on your wall…
- Presse Cafe

Prof: If you show patients with right parietal cortex damage a map of Canada and ask them to point to Quebec, they will point to the middle of the Atlantic…which is where Quebec should really be.
- ANAT321 Circuitry of the Brain

Girl: These sunglasses are SOOOOOOO awesome, they adapt their color to the amount of light! They are SOOOOOOOO utilitarian.
Philosophy student : I hope she kills herself.
- Outside of Leacock

(Guy gets up to leave class 10 minutes in.)
Prof: Ugh. I guess I can’t please everyone (pause). I can’t even please my wife sometimes.
- POLI 360

Horny punk girl: You know what I have always wanted to do?
Horny preppy girl: What?
(As Guy in Engineering Shirt passes)
Horny punkgirl: A McGill Engineering student!!! Don’t you just feel it is something thats needs to be done at least once in your life.
- Mcconnell Enginering building

Science carnival girl: Well I got two cankers this morning… so fuck you Mark Brown*!
- Post-boat races during Science Carnival

Girl 1: Ya, we should totally get walkie-talkies… then we can all learn Heimlich!
Girl 2: Morse code?
Girl 1: Morse code!
- New Rez caf

Girl: …and I said, ‘Get the fucking penis off my sister’s fucking birthday cake!’
- Leacock

Aussie girl: It’s not racist! Blackface doesn’t have the same connotation in Australia as it does here.
- Jewish Studies Building, McTavish

Prof: Jesus was a very common name… There were millions of Jesuses… In fact, there was one hanging from every second cross.
- Religious Studies Class

“Just imagine that her face is on fire and you need to pee it out!”
—McLennon Library

[Two New Rez girls discussing the mysteries of the body over pizza and sprite]
Girl 1: Oh my gawd, I need to stop eating like tomorrow. I have already gained 27 and a half pounds since September…I’m so gross…*stares at pizza in sadness and desire*
Girls 2: You TOTALLY have NOT. And either way, aren’t you on the pill now? It’s probably just water weight.
Girl 1: Yeah…that’s true, I’ve definitely been drinking A LOT more water lately, it must make you thirsty.
Girl 2: What? *bewildered look on face*
Girl 1: *bites into pizza with accomplished look on face*
- New Rez Cafeteria