[Bunch of mathies laughing/studying in Second Cup. The only girl waits for a break in the conversation]
Math Girl: “Ha, yeah. Yeah well that’s just like something my friend told me once. She said she liked her men like tea. Hot, strong, dark and sweet. Heehee.”
(all the boys just look back at their calculators)

—Second Cup

Asian girl: I hate being Asian!
- Modern East Asian History

[Talking about brain lesions.]
Guest Lecturer: “In lesion studies, if you’re looking for small effects, you’re looking in the wrong place. Usually the effects kind of hit you over the head.”
–PSYC 211 

Prof: That’s what you would see if you stood in the shoes of a bee…..that wore shoes.
(later)
Prof: “Animals are completely unable to plan for their retirement. ….which is probably why they don’t retire.”
(later)
Prof: “Neurons are like toasters.”
–PSYC 211

Prof: Don’t ask sentences to perform multiple tasks. Multi-tasking is for women only.
–EAPR 250

Slightly Drunk Guy 1: Dude that Physics exam sucked balls (Drunkest Guy 2 starts to laugh hysterically)
Slightly Drunk Guy 1: Dude, shut up.
Drunkest Guy 2: You said balls…get it? ‘Cause the class was in Le Cock.
Slightly Drunk Guy 3: I hate that damn room, I got like 4 classes there next year. What a sausage fest.
Drunk Guy 1: Leacock?
Drunkest Guy 2: Le Cock!!!!
- St. Catherine

Jappy girl 1: Why did you leave your boots in the locker without a lock?
Jappy girl 2: Well, I’d just rather have $200 worth of stuff stolen than buy a $10 lock.
- McGill Gym Womens locker room

(Studying for the midterm in Terrestrial Planets, the quintessential bird course; Girl 1 has just claimed she’ll ace the exam)
Guy: So you have Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars as the terrestrial planets.
Girl 1 (who just claimed she’ll ace the exam): Wait, Mars isn’t a planet, it’s a moon!
Guy: (Frozen with shock) Umm.. No, you’re wrong.
Girl 2: (with certainty to girl 1) No, Mercury is the moon.
Guy: (walks away in disgust)
- Walking into midterm.

Girl 1: ..so then he started talking about feelings and stuff, and how we only have sex and we never talk anymore!
Girl 2: (nods head sympathetically)
Girl 1: Like sometimes after we do it he tries to cuddle with me and all I can think about is, damn I really just want to sleep
(silence)
Girl 1: So do I break up with him?
- Milton gates

Stoned guy: Don’t beat me up! I don’t want to be bruised tomorrow when my mom sees me naked!
- New Rez

Prof (mentioning the high taxes in france): …so they can then subsidise their education, and health, and army after army after army … (pauses) … of public servants.
- Econ 208

(2 primmed up girls crossing the street as a car bears down upon them)
Girl 1: Oh my god, getting hit by a car is totally my favorite activity.
Girl 2: Really? Mine is shopping.
- Crescent St/St Catherine

Professor: What are you eating in my class?
Student: Carrots. Want some?
Professor: No, thank you. I had bananas this morning.
- Leacock 132

[Group of people discussing which nationality is the best looking]
Girl: Brazilians are bomb.
Guy: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can’t afford food.
- Gardner 7

[Several girls whispering between each other, and then one girl questions louder]
Loud girl: Why would she have sex with a head injury?
- Burnside Basement

Trashed girl: Wait, is all male strippers gay? [sic]
Guy: Ummmmmmm
- RVC

(three girls sitting on bed in New Rez)
Girl 1 (to Girl 2) : You’re a fat whore.well…minus the fat part
Girl 2: Whatever. I’d rather be a whore than fat
Girl 3: I like your morals…

—New Rez room

Jewish girl: “This guy starting calling me a ‘JAP’, but I’m not even Asian!”
—Train from Montreal to Toronto

White guy number 1: Yea, so i got gonorrhea.
White guy number 2: What, you got gonorrhea?
White guy number 1: Yea, but it’s no big deal, everyone gets it.
White guy number 2: I’ve never gotten it.
White guy number 1: Actually neither have I, but all my friends have. They just took 3 pills and it was done.
White guy number 2: I can’t take pills, it’s against my religion.
White guy number 1: what religion is that?
White guy number 2: Rastafari!
- Biftek, St-Laurent

Professor: So… today is Valentine’s Day…
Guy 1: Woo!
Guy 2: BOOOO!!
Professor: Loser!
- Abnormal Psychology

Girl 1: (Talking to her friend) I mean, I don’t know why she stored those rolls of paper-towels in her oven…
- New Rez

(Discussing a vague assignment)
Comp 206 teacher: You know, in the real world, your assignments won’t be much more clear
Girl: Well…this is NOT the real world!
- COMP 206 class

Guy: Man, it’s her birthday too? It seems like everyone’s having a birthday this year.
- Library

Girl: What time is your 8:30 class?
- St. Catherine

Guy 1: So did you do the extra credit part of the midterm?
Guy 2: Nah man, I was way too tired from jacking off all night.
- HIST 221

Girl: I bet you everyone in here is so stoned.
Boy: why?
Girl: because its 4/20
Boy (looking at his watch confused): ..but its 9:30…
- walking into Frites-Alors

(3 Girls and 2 Guys are walking, 2 couples and a single girl)
Not-single guy 1: Let’s go pick up a bottle and drink on the hill.
Single girl: Can we go to a club first so I can pick up a date? I feel like the 5th wheel.
Not-single girl 1: We can invite Enrico and Bob, they’ve been dating for a few weeks now.
Single girl: That won’t help, then I’ll be a 7th wheel.
Not-single girl 2: Then you’ll be like a minivan!
Single girl: What?
Not-single girl 2: Wait…how many wheels does a minivan have?
- St Catherine

Girl: I would only go to Queens to be closer to my boyfriend.
Guy: Eww, I would so not be your friend any more if you went to Queens!
—University

Guy: I’ll go check his Facebook to look for his Myspace.
(finds his Myspace)
Guy: You’ve made it too easy, Sir! You’re going to get raped!
- AUS lounge