Guy 1: You shouldn’t talk shit behind my back.
Guy 2: It’s not shit if it’s true. It’s not like I’m ruining your reputation. It’s already pretty bad. It’d be like if I beat up a crippled guy. He’s already in so much pain, what’s another black eye?
—Burnside Basement
(4.15 out of 5)
Loading ...Guy: “If my plane blew up on the way to Ireland, I would be really upset. If it blew up on the way back, I’d be OK.”
—stewart bio
(4.4 out of 5) Loading ...Prof: I have life insurance out for me for $900,000…I’m worth more dead than alive now!
Class: chuckles
Prof: That’s not incentive to kill me; you won’t get any of it.
—ACCT 455
(4.48 out of 5) Loading ...Girl 1: What are we doing with our lives?
Girl 2: I have to pee.
—Currie Gym
(4.08 out of 5) Loading ...(girl takes off her sweater, revealing a tank top underneath, as the professor is talking)
Professor: Do you want music with that?
Girl: What?
Professor: You appear to be taking off all your clothes. Would you like music with that?
Class: (shocked silence, scattered laughs)
—ECON 209 (Intro. to Macroeconomics)
(4.34 out of 5) Loading ... (3.6 out of 5) Loading ...Girl 1:…so then they made us watch this whole movie on Hellen Keller’s life and—
Girl 2: wait wait…Hellen Keller, who is that? I know that name. Doesn’t she live in upper rez or something?
—New Rez caf
(4.68 out of 5) Loading ...Prof: So which country do you think has the highest suicide rate?
Guy: um, the Netherlands… like Norway and stuff
—abnormal psych
(4.06 out of 5) Loading ...Prof: I discovered YouTube this weekend.
(class: scattered claps)
Prof: yeah beer and YouTube…bad combination…or maybe a good combination
—Poli 345- International Organization
(4.24 out of 5) Loading ...Model UN Delegate: That makes about as much sense as opening a gay bar in Texas.
—McMun 2007
(4.5 out of 5) Loading ...Guy 1: You hate everyone at McGill
Guy 2: What the fuck, no i don’t..
Guy 1: Ya you do. If Jesus Christ was alive, you’d probably think he was cocky for being the son of God
—Roddick Gates
(4.35 out of 5) Loading ...“Why the FUCK would you ever date a deaf guy?”
—Douglas
(4.05 out of 5) Loading ...(Guy sitting at bar drinking out of a pitcher at Biftek)
Bartender: Um, Sir, would you please drink out of a beer mug?
Guy: Naw its okay i’m fine with the pitcher.
Bartender: No, Sir, its for sanitary reasons, we don’t wash the pitchers.
Guy’s girlfriend: Eew get a mug.
Guy: Naw it’s okay, I’m almost done.
—Biftek
(4.07 out of 5) Loading ...Girl: How do you spell ‘president’?
—Gardner Hall, during the Open House
(4 out of 5) Loading ...Girl: I’m taking Italian Culture, doing a research project, and an Oncology class.
Guy 1: Oh, oncology is fascinating, isn’t it.
Guy 2: Yeah…the female anatomy is pret…ty…interesting.
(Awkward Silence)
Guy 1: Uhhhhhh, you’re thinking of…gynecology.
—St. Laurent Second Cup
(4.39 out of 5) Loading ...(3 girls chatting on the blue couches; kinda-feminist girl has to sell tickets to the Vagina Monologues)
kinda-feminist girl: You guys should come see the Vagina Monologues.
other girl: Mmmm, I think it’s too feminist for me.
kinda-feminist girl: (slightly sarcastic) Oh OK then why don’t you just go have children and live in your kitchen?
other girl: Haha. Well, still I might walk out of the play feeling like I don’t have to shave my legs anymore.
—Shatner lounge
(4.11 out of 5) Loading ...Girl 1: Peace, love and understanding is my favourite song!
Girl 2: [laughs] Yeah, I can relate to that. I don’t think police understand me either!
—Milton and Parc
(3.18 out of 5) Loading ...Girl: He was going to announce how I had a sex dream about my brother when I was like twelve.
Guy: Yeah, but it’s different dreaming it than if you actually WANT to.
—Gert’s
(2.85 out of 5) Loading ...Girl: I can’t believe it! I’m in Canada and I can’t get ice!
—RVC Caf
(4.14 out of 5) Loading ...Guy (to his friend) :Sometimes I feel like a stripper preaching to a nun
—McConnell Engineering
(4.17 out of 5) Loading ...Guy 1: I have a picture of your penis!
Guy 2:Really? Post it on facebook later!
—MORE house
(4.53 out of 5) Loading ...Girl 1: Sex is so amazing, like, with-
Girl 2: -Someone who is really hot??
Girl 1: Uhh yea…or just, like, someone you really care about…
Girl 2: [Blank stare] Oh..
—Upper Rez
(4.28 out of 5) Loading ...Student: We were taught, ‘Be yourself, be yourself, that way you won’t become a stripper.’
-BIOL 112 Lab
(4 out of 5) Loading ...Stripclub solicitor: we’ve got nipples and clits and jiggly tits. come on in.
Guy: if he just added an ‘oh my’ to the end, i might have changed my mind.
—outside stripclub
(4.63 out of 5) Loading ...Guy: So I’m thinking of going to Israel, you know, with birthright and all.
Girl: Wow! That’s so great, I would love to have a free trip to Europe!
—Law Atrium
(3.93 out of 5) Loading ...Prof: What is the Jewish afterlife?
Student 1: Heaven and Hell.
Jewish Student: Has anybody ever been there??
—RELG 207
(3.79 out of 5) Loading ...Student 1: Why don’t the Germans just have one word for “to put”? Honestly this is just ridiculous.
Prof: Well it’s just that the Germans are anal about their positions.
Student 2: Touche
—Sherbrooke 688
(4.38 out of 5) Loading ...Girl 1: I don’t like it when my vagina’s itchy.
Girl 2: (not hearing what Girl 1 has said) I hate it when hair gets stuck in my lips.
—Milton Gates
(4.55 out of 5) Loading ...(a bunch of Engineers playing Halo 2)
Engineer 1: You’re raping everyone, man!
Engineer 2: Yeah, I mean, that’s illegal in some states.
Engineer 3: Uh… some?
—Engineering Lounge
(4.26 out of 5)