[on Halloween, a man dressed in Pirate garb, walking with crutches and with only one leg.]

Girl: [excited] Oh my god, that’s the best costume! How did he hide his leg so well! That’s so realistic!
[Pirate looks confused/offended; girl walks past, notices that he ACTUALLY doesnt have a leg]
Girl: [below her breath] Oh my god…I’m so insensitive!

–St. Catherine’s & Peel

[Two guys standing by the stove, one with a pizza box]
Guy 1: “You might want to take that out of the box.”
Guy 2: “Why?”
Guy 1: “Um…it’ll catch on fire.”
Guy 2: “Really??”
Guy 1: “Yeah, it’s actually pretty cool to watch…but then your pizza gets ruined.”

–Rez Kitchen

Girl 1: And I had just had like a crazy six hour sex marathon with my boyfriend.
Girl 2: *laughs*
Girl 1: Yeah, I was so sore. It made playing volleyball very difficult.

–Arts Building

[Spanish prof, trying to create a discussion on how to give suggestions in Spanish.]

Prof: So, why wouldn’t you accept a drink from a stranger at a party?
Girl: Porque es muy sketchy!

–Intermediate Spanish

Girl: “Black is thinning…”
Guy: “Not on fat people.”

Prof: Well, once you take away the rules, then there are no rules.”
-POLI 244

[Spectulating as to why the brains of European men and women are longer and skinnier than those of Japanese men and women]

Asinine girl: Maybe that’s because the Japanese force their babies to sleep on their backs, so their brains get fatter. Europeans must force their babies to sleep on their sides.

::friends of Asinine Girl sheepishly look away::

—LING 390

Girl #1: Are you okay, hon?
Female voice from inside bathroom stall: I don’t know. Is it normal if it’s purple?
–Bathroom at 4Floors

girl: “you can get ProductRed Converse?”
guy: “yeah, they made the Africans make them.”

ditsy girl #1: Wow, we had so much fun! We should see each other every day!
[awkward pause]
not so ditsy girl #2: …Yeah.

–Pine & University

[A group of friends watching TV]
Girl 1: “That little girl looks familiar.”
Girl 2: “Yeah she always plays the little kid.”

Charity Hawker: Donate to breast cancer research!
[no one steps up to give money]
Charity Hawker: SAVE THE TITTIES!

- Roddick Gates

“So we’re at this bang-on place looking for a picture of an asian, but all they had was that Mao-Zedong…asian..chinese…prime minister guy.”

Dumb Girl: How did Mao hold on to power for so long?
Smarter Girl: Well, you know, he held a dictoratorial hold on all the functionings of society…[goes on]
Dumb Girl: Wow, he must be, like, 150 Years old now.

[In New Rez room, looking at first snow fall]
Canadian Guy: you’re gonna need boots for winter
Brazillian Girl: Like, nice ones?

girl: *raises hand*
prof. salmasi: yes?
girl: you know that graph in the book with all the curved lines?

—Managerial Economics

Prof: Calculators are not allowed on the exam. You’re gonna tell me that you need a calculator to divide 1/2 by 1/3 ??
Female Student: Yes, it’s too hard without one!!!

–Labour Economics

Professor: “It’s a proven statistical correlation! Right before midterms, more students say they have grandparents that just ‘died’.”
Asian girl: “Do they actually die?!”

-ANTH 201

Before a Midterm:
Student: Does the midterm have to be written by hand, or can we type it on a laptop and e-mail it to you at the end?

Guy 1: So you play on the lacrosse team?
Bitter Wannabe Athlete: No, not this year, they did this whole recruiting thing and only wanted (makes air quotes) “people who had played before.”

- Bronfman Basement

Erin (HARDCORE JEW; in October): I think I’m gonna give up watching TV…
Alexa (CHRISTIAN; Erin’s close friend): What, for Lent?

- McConnell Residence

[discussing an incident in a hot tub]
Guy: I notice people are starting to stare at me, but I’m checking my hair, my teeth, but there fine. Then this woman goes up to me and says ‘its a cold day today?’ and sorta smiles. Finally, my friend who’s on his cell stops for a minute to say ‘your balls are hanging out of your shorts’.

PROF: In case you havn’t already checked, our final is on the 11th.
GIRL: Of…?

[two elderly businessmen walk by by a parked SMARTCar with a parking ticket]
Businessman 1: That SMART Car isnt so smart anymore, eh?
Businessman 2: (blinks)…what?

–Sherbrooke/Peel

Prof: “So what is terrorism?”
*silence*
Prof: “Well.. it’s like pornography, you know it when you see it”
–Poli244

Girl: So I had a feast of 8 muffins last night at 12am. Then i went on the treadmill to make myself feel better. This morning I took 2 laxatives to make myself feel even better.

–McTavish St.

Girl 1: “Montreal is sooooo great, the boys are so cute and you can getting wasted is sooooo cheap!”
Girl 2: “What do you study?”
Girl 1: “Biology, when i’m not at Biftek.”

—80 Bus, on Parc

[Preppy girl walking up to a hipster guy]
Girl: Ou est le Plateau? The Plateau? Where is it?

–Corner of Parc and Mont Royal

Girl on cell: “…and he was like, “If you’re from British Columbia, how come you don’t have a British accent?”

–Parc and Prince Arthur

[Two 11-year-olds on the 80 bus passing New Rez where two rainbow flags are hanging down]

Kid 1: What’s that flag?
Kid 2: It’s the Outgames flag.
Kid 1: No, the one with the 6 different colours.
Kid 2. Oh. I think that might be the McGill flag.

Guy1: “She was really submissive, like you could do whatever you wanted to her”
Guy2: “Yeah but it’s not like I’m gonna fuck her in the eyesocket or anything”

—Rutherford Physics Lounge